The girl: Nippo.

Me: What?

The girl: Nippo!

Me: Hippo?

The girl: Nippo (points to a scar on my forearm)

Then I realized – she was calling my scar a nipple. Thanks to her brother for making sure that’s on her first 100 words list.

Ohai! Remember me? Here’s a list of some stuff I’ve been doing over my spring break:

Using Twitter instead of blogging – I still won’t call myself a Twitter lover, but I have definitely learned to embrace it. And for those who do follow me on Twitter, you probably already know everything I’m going to mention on this list. But you should probably keep reading anyway, for my ego’s sake.

Working – You’d think summer would be a slow time when working at a university, wouldn’t you? I know I would. And in fact, I expect that every summer, even though 5 of the 7 summers I’ve worked there have been pretty crazy. (Isn’t there some saying about that, how the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Yeah.)

Playing guitar – I haven’t really learned a ton more songs (much to the chagrin of those who live with me and hear me practice), but I’ve been trying hard to work on things like keeping a steady rhythm and making sure notes ring out properly. The good news is that I still really enjoy it. The bad news is that I still pretty much suck.

Playing tennis – For Christmas, my wife signed me up for a tennis class (yes, Christmas. We intentionally deferred until now, because what good is it for me to learn tennis in the winter?). My class finished up last week, and I’ve gotta say, it was more fun than I thought it would be. The teacher was great. The best part was that the class was held at a private club. This particular class is the only one that non-members can sign up for (I am not a member). So after every class, they were pushing free food and drinks on us, in an effort to show us how much better our lives would be with them in it. I’m still not joining, but their recruitment efforts sure were tasty!

Losing weight – I joined a “Weight Watchers at work” program back in April. For years, I’ve had a weight system where I gain in the fall and winter, then lose in the spring and summer. I didn’t love it, but it worked for me. That is, until the past two years, when I kept up the gaining in fall and winter, but didn’t do so much losing in the spring and summer. So by March, I was at an all-time high weight. Since joining WW, I’ve dropped 22 pounds. And there’s still a month and a half left, so I hope I’m not done yet! Of course, the real test of how well the program works will not come until weeks after the Weight Watchers sessions are done, but I can’t say enough good things about it now. I’m at my lowest weight since 2003. I haven’t significantly increased my level of activity, I’ve just learned how to not eat like a pig. Funny how that works.

Boy: Why does a boat float?
Me: Ask me tomorrow (makes a note to do some research)

The next morning…
Boy: Why does a boat float?
Me: A boat, or any object, floats because it’s lighter than the weight of the water it displaces.

Boy: But some boats are heavy.
Me: Yes, but if they’re boats that float, they’re not as heavy as the water they displace.

Boy: What’s “displace” mean?
Me: Um, it sort of means to move something out of the way. If you have a cup of water that’s filled all the way to the top, and you put a rock in the cup, some of the water will spill out of the cup. That water that spills out is the water that was displaced by the rock. And because the rock doesn’t float, that means that the rock is heavier than the water that spilled out. I’ll show you next time you’re in the tub.

Boy: Where does water from the ocean go when it spills out?
Me: … Let’s watch TV.

A couple of months ago, I was at home with my daughter. We were in the kitchen, I had just given her a bottle, and I set her down so that I could make myself some lunch. She was in the typical baby phase of putting everything in her mouth, so I had made sure to spot-check the floor and pick up any debris before I let her crawl around. As I was putting together my sandwich, I looked over at her to find her trying to pick up something from the floor. I went over to look, and it turns out that it was just a blemish in the floor. She seemed to quickly lose interest when she realized it wasn’t something she could pick up. So I go back to making my sandwich. Like 10 seconds later, I look back and see that she’s now lying down on the floor. Assuming she was tired, I went to go pick her up and found that she was LICKING the spot on the floor. She couldn’t bring it to her mouth, so she brought her mouth to it.

We celebrated the girl’s first birthday this weekend, and I’m pleased to say that this is the grossest story I can think of for year 1. (I missed posting on her actual birthday, but whatever, she can’t read yet. And by the time she’s old enough to read AND care about what her dad wrote, blogs will have gone the way of the 8-track.)

I’m even more pleased to say that she seems to be out of the floor-licking phase.

During my time off from work last week, I replaced the faucet in my kitchen. And because it’s my life mission to share my knowledge to benefit others, I’ve whipped up this handy DIY guide for anyone to use, free of charge. If you follow my simple steps outlined below, you’ll be able to tackle this “one-hour project” in right around three and a half hours.

To prepare, you’ll want to determine how many holes your sink has, and also decide on what style of faucet you want. Additionally, you’ll want to have some rags ready to soak up any water that drips out even though you’ve taken every reasonable precaution to prevent water from spilling/dripping.

1) Shut off the water supply to the faucet. And then run the faucet to make sure water and pressure have cleared out. (Approximate time to complete: 1 minute)

2) Remove the old faucet. When doing so, be sure to strip the three plastic bolts with which your old faucet is attached. And once they’re completely stripped of any surface that would allow you to grip them with your wrench (or pliers), spend a lot of time going between your sink and your basement (or wherever your tools are stored) trying to think of new things you could fit in the two inches of available space that could help you remove/break the plastic bolts without marring the sink. Note that if you have a Dremel or other high speed rotary tool that could be used, have someone hide it first so that you can’t find it now, when you actually need it. If you’re not the type who typically says curse words, loudly yell a few of them now, assuming no children are nearby. (If you are the type who curses a lot, you’re probably already doing that by now.) Finally settle on boring many small holes in the bolts with a small drill bit, then using the holes to get leverage with needle-nosed pliers. When that doesn’t work as planned, poke the ends of small wire cutters into adjacent holes, and squeeze really hard until the plastic between the holes breaks. Repeat that step until the plastic bolts no longer have enough structural integrity to hold the old faucet in place. Once the bolts are clipped away, gently rock the old faucet to break the seal of plumber’s putty that was hopefully there keeping a waterproof seal around the base. Scrape away any remaining putty on the sink, being careful to not scratch the sink’s surface. (Approximate time to complete: 195 minutes)

3) Put in the new faucet, as per the instructions provided with it. (Approximate time to complete: 10 minutes)

4) Turn the water back on, run the faucet. Immediately check for leaks, tighten any connections if necessary. (Approximate time to complete: 1-5 minutes)

Congratulations, you’re done!