A few nights ago, the wife and I were in our room getting ready to go to bed. I climbed into bed first. As she pulled back the comforter to get in on her side, I noticed that she stopped abruptly and was trying to look closely at something.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Oh, I thought I saw something.”
I immediately went on high alert. “Something like what?!” I originally was thinking that it was a bug, and as I may have mentioned before, I hate bugs. But then an even more horrifying thought came to mind. “EW EW EW I just read a blog post [at Nancy's] about a lady who got stung by a scorpion and the scorpion stuck on her and came inside her house and was stinging her more and EW EW EW.”
Logically, I know that scorpions can’t survive way up here in the north. But there is no logic when confronted with the possibility of a creature crawling in your bed on the very same day you read a blog post about a scorpion. If you haven’t yet noticed, I’m not OK with the fact that scorpions exist.
The wife looked puzzled for a moment, then replied, “No, not a scorpion. I thought I saw a dryer sheet fall to the bed when I lifted the covers.”
June 23rd, 2008
My association with scorpions is only with the first soccer team I ever played on. There was nothing scary about a bunch of 6 year olds haplessly stumbling over a size 3 soccer ball.
Dryer sheets, however, have a much more sordid past. I always say shoot first, ask questions later. And by shoot, I mean run out the door and into a safe place… like a hermetically sealed bubble…
June 23rd, 2008
OH NOES!!!
I hope she found it. Was she planning to re-use it?
Please let us know if she did locate it.
June 23rd, 2008
Congrats on your new look, new address and new everything. I’m glad you kept the “preview for no reason at all.” I don’t know why but it makes me happy
I had to google juggernaut. Very interesante.
June 23rd, 2008
Nice. I always love it when I freak out about stuff like that. “I wasnt’t scared. I was concerned. Yeah. Concerned. Or something..”
Anyway, nice blog. I’m diggin it.
June 23rd, 2008
You know, you can use used dryer sheets to scrub the bathtub. Just FYI.
June 23rd, 2008
it’s amazing how much something you read on a blog can become part of your subconscious. i’ve had a little paranoia about getting the grape jelly bottle messy, even though i don’t even eat grape jelly (gross).
because juggernaut has etymological roots to my motherland and four of the same letters i have in my blog address, i’m going to go ahead and feel special for the rest of the day. congrats on the big move, omar!
June 23rd, 2008
Jon – I don’t know, as a soccer fan, I am actually a little bit scared by a bunch of hapless 6 year olds…
NCS – I refused to switch to WordPress without first making sure I could easily have a live comment preview box. It would have been a deal-breaker.
Michael – For the record, I wasn’t scared.
Tori – “Scrub the bathtub”? Is that some sort of foreign language? Secret code? Because I don’t know what that combination of words means.
cadiz – suburbanjugglerreadingobituariesinhell.com was my first choice, but I thought it would be too obvious.
June 23rd, 2008
This is a kinda girly inaugural post for the new blog, dude. Freaking out over the idea of scorpions? Dryer sheets? Very girly.
June 23rd, 2008
Cate – My next post will be about testicles and beer, to help balance it out.
June 23rd, 2008
You’d better watch out for those evil Bounce sheets! Hahaha…choke…hahaha! (I really shouldn’t read your blog at lunchtime!)
After this post, I’m almost GLAD I encountered the evil scorpion…almost.
June 23rd, 2008
Your blog looks great! The live comment box is still here, woo hoo! The name sounds awesome, even though I have no idea what it means and I’m too lazy to look it up!
My happiness is complete.
June 23rd, 2008
You got my linkie wrong…….
This must mean you don’t love me anymore. *WAAAHHHH SOB SNIFFLE*
June 23rd, 2008
Okay, I’m better now.
June 23rd, 2008
I think there’s a website run by bored housewives who like to flash people called SuburbanJugs.com. I hope nobody confuses you with them. Unless of course you plan on flashing us here but that would be a shame seeing as how I’m fresh out of beads to throw at you.
June 23rd, 2008
Sorry about that, elastic. It’s fixed. I was going from memory. In my defense, I never type in anyone’s blog address anymore, I just go right from my feed reader.
And the closeness to “suburbanjugs.com”? Not coincidental.
June 23rd, 2008
An Omar apology tis sweet to the eyes.
Actually it’s really hot in my house so really it should read ’tis SWEAT to the eyes’ but that sounded weird.
June 23rd, 2008
wow. and you’re even doing comment responses. supercool. nice new blog and name and all that. didn’t you get the memo that i send to all my friends? oh wait, you DIDN’T cuz you’re birthday is not on or between may 21-june 22. too bad, so sad. i’m only friends with geminis.
June 23rd, 2008
p.s. so, i found you on facebook but then the whole not wanting to be found just by people knowing your name prevented me from adding you as a friend. i wouldn’t want to mess up the whole strategy you have going on there.
June 23rd, 2008
I come to Omar’s site for the helpful housekeeping tips. Granted, I got it from Tori, but it’s still your site.
I know what Jugs are, but I’m off to find out what a juggernaut is. I know, I should probably know. I don’t have any shame in showing my ignorance.
At least not after you posted about dryer sheets and being scared of bugs.
June 23rd, 2008
“any literal or metaphorical force regarded as unstoppable that will crush all in its path”
Really? That’s totally wicked man. I think that’s what Bo would say.
Hope i never tick you off…
June 23rd, 2008
No they don’t sting, but they can itch real bad if you sleep with them or get them stuck in a shirt.
June 23rd, 2008
I read in one of those email forwards once that dryer sheets will actually repel some kinds of biting insects (mosquitos…) and we all know that those email forwards NEVER lie!…so maybe you should leave the dryer sheet in your bed and it can repel all the bugs, even scorpions with a taste for living in the North…
June 23rd, 2008
Count your blessings, the worst is when one of those dryer sheets falls and somehow ends up drifting against your legs or foot. Then you know you’ve been attacked by killer vermin and can no longer enter whichever room the incident occured until you’ve had an exterminator come in and pronounce the place clean. Not that I know anything about that.
PS: I learned what juggernaunt meant from reading Gone with the Wind when I was 10. My Mom made me look it up in a dictionary. My husband however learned the term from the X-men. Who says comic books aren’t educational?
June 23rd, 2008
sometimes dryer sheets can be just as scary as scorpians
I have a mummified one (scorpion) if you ever want to see it
June 24th, 2008
Is this suburbanjugs.com? This site has changed. Fewer jugs. Too much writing.
—X
June 24th, 2008
So one time, my husband and I saw a scorpion in the flourescent light fixture in our garage (and it was alive). He climbed the ladder to open the fixture. I’m the one that had to stand on the floor and wait for it to drop so I could kill it. He’s the one that screamed like a girl.
I think you two would get along!
June 24th, 2008
When I was a kid, my family lived in Central Texas (between Austin and San Antonio). Central Texas is known for having fun creatures like rattlesnakes, water moccasins, and scorpians.
Occasionally I would wake up in the morning and find a scorpian on the wall above my bed. So I moved my bed away from the wall and would gather up the bedspread onto the bed so they couldn’t crawl on me in the middle of the night and sting me. I still have nightmares!
June 24th, 2008
See, now that’s why I only use the liquid fabric softener, so that little stray dryer sheets won’t haunt me in the middle of the night…yeah, that’s it!
(Thank you, Omar, for letting me on your new blog even though I didn’t officially comment on your old one. I am not making the same mistake again, so am commenting on your very first post here!)
June 24th, 2008
I’ve been frightened by a dryer sheet or two. And walked around with them in my pant leg.
June 25th, 2008
Omar is afraid of dryer sheets! Nanny nanny boo boo!
June 30th, 2008
Congrats on the move to the new blog home. I like the barbeque. But I would have thought that a Suburban Jagernaut would be cooler than a Juggernaut. Maybe I should go look up what a juggernaut is.
June 30th, 2008
Okay, I checked. Juggernauts are pretty cool, too.